Valentine's day!

Ok so hey guys! Yesterday was V-Day! And unlike last year and every other year I actually had a Valentine. That is a guy. Of course my boyfriend Ean! And it was a pretty great day. Unlike last year when I cried a lot and cried on Ashley on the bus… Anyway! He gave me this really cute heart necklace, a sock monkey with nerd glasses that says ‘talk nerdy to me’. It’s so cute! Love that thing. And a heart shaped box of chocolate (of course).  So yea it was pretty great. I’m broke and felt like complete shit cuz I couldn’t get him anything but he said he didn’t care anyway. I don’t think so. But whatever. After school he came to my house around 5 and we watched movies and...stuff. We watched Carrie, insidious 1 and 2 and Wall-E! Carrie was really good. I was like ‘damn that girl is something.’ He went home a little after 11. We had a pretty great night. If I knew people didn’t read this I’d go further into detail but truth is... I don’t want people to know. No one even knows the full horrible slutty details of me and Ron. And I like it that way. I want to tell someone... But I can’t. I can’t tell anyone anything. And it’s really bothering me. Cuz I’m really not stable right now… and Ean isn’t really talking to me so it’s making me feel worse. I haven’t even had a single thought about hurting myself in the last almost 7 weeks I’ve been with Ean. But right about now I kind of crave the pain. I feel horrible. I don’t understand how girls can be whores! I wonder if they feel this awful. Or if they just give no fucks. I wish I didn’t care. I really do. Ugh I hope nobody reads this. I shouldn’t even publish it. Maybe I’ll make my blog private after this; or before. I’m shaking. I really don’t want anyone to see this now. Ugh. Well Valentine’s Day was great. At first. And I wish I could say at the time I was having fun. But I wasn’t. I was just numb. And now I regret it. I mean I regretted it at the time too. Yet I didn’t stop anything that was going on. I mean I wish I could explain my feelings better when I’m actually talking to said person but I can’t. I can blog to tons of invisible anonymous people, but when it comes to talking directly to someone it’s harder. A lot harder. Ugh. I’m gonna go. Byee.