Today's broadcast...hehehe

So I've got some interesting news!! I've got a boyfriend(: and no, it's not Ron. We got in an argument and I realized I'm better off without him. Waaaay better off... Anyway. I'm dating a kid in my lunch bunch! His name is ean. And he's a very confusing boy. He looks black, acts white, has a Mexican last name, but he's Central American. Make sense? Yea I kno not really. Anyway. He asked me out last night and I said yes of course and I was being all goofy and stuff. I was FaceTiming tayler while me and ean were messaging each other. And all of a sudden she saw me get this huge grin on my face and she asked and I told her what was going on. And yea! So this single Pringle ain't so single anymore! I have to be honest tho, I don't find him attractive. Like physically attractive. He has an amazing personality tho. He's really sweet and funny and he's pretty amazing. Apparently he's liked me for a few months now but never said anything cuz he didn't think I felt the same. I didn't of course. Not until the past couple weeks. I thought he was weird and kinda creepy when i first met him... Obviously I don't think so anymore! Well...he is weird. And slightly creepy... Anywho! No I don't think I'm in love or any stupid crap like that. He's just a guy. And I'm just a girl. And we're together now. Although it does worry me what people will think. I mean it shouldn't should it? I have some popular and semi popular friends and some very judgemental friends too. So yea... Well it's New Year's Eve! Can you believe it? He thinks ill be his New Years kiss. I'm like pfft please. Haha. Well, bye! Til next time.

Ron

So there's this guy named Ron. I met him online. I know you're thinking 'that's dangerous' and 'stupid' and 'what were you thinking!' Well I wasn't thinking. Obviously. But I'm happy I had a lack of thought. I mean taylers the reason I found the site. Anyway. He's black. I don't date black guys. But something made me message him. And then continue to talk to him. Idk what. It's funny and dorky and sweet. And kinda sexy in his own way. He's the first guy I've been really attracted to. I dunno why again. He's a band kid. And a senior. And goes to central. And now he has his own car. And yea. Well I went to homecoming with him. And that was maybe the second best night of my life. The first was the bonfire at Brandon's house. The first bonfire. That was an amazing night... Anyway... Um. Yea. Homecoming was awesome. He asked me out that night and I finally said yes. (He had asked me out a few times prior and I kept saying no. He was persistent.) Thats another thing I like about him. Anyway a week later he came over to my house and we watched a movie and wrestled and kissed and yea. I got some substantial bruises from us fighting too. Lol. Anyway. We went to my room knowing we weren't supposed to, got caught, I got grounded, and banned from him. Well I got ungrounded on Christmas and am allowed to date and see him or just be friends or whatever. As long we don't do anything stupid again. Funny thing is my mom said if we do anything it ain't gone be around her and she don't wanna hear about it. Oh mom... Anyway. I texted him yesterday and we talked some last night and earlier today. I haven't talked to him in a while now. Since like 12-3 somewhere in there we stopped talking. He doesn't really show any interest in dating me again. I don't blame him. I'm crazy and pathetic and not that attractive and my parents were probably right when they said all he wanted was the v. Ugh. I want them to be wrong. But I know better. That's why I expect the worse and anything better is a blessing. Well see ya. Til next time.

Hey!

Hey guys! Well here I am. I haven't blogged in ages now. Anyway I have tons to tell you. Most of it isn't all that positive but whatever. First, I just got ungrounded. Why was I grounded? Had a boy in my bedroom making out.... Who was the boy? A totally cute senior named Ron. I regret nothing. Second, my dad is in jail. My birth dad. He killed his girlfriends two year old daughter. Shook her til her neck broke. And the only thing I could think about was how that could have been me. That little girl could have been me 14 years earlier. Third, My cousin got charges pressed against him for molesting 4 of his nieces (my second cousins). Fourth, I have two c's!! In chemistry honors and AP us history. It's disappointing/: Fifth, I have a crush... He's in my chem class. And no he's not the reason I'm failing. I just really suck at chemistry.... Sixth, alison is always to busy for me. Cuz of Alec. Yea I get it they're bf and gf but even if I was dating someone I'd make time for her. And so yea. Seventh, I may or may not be single and I may or may not be accidentally leading a friend on. Eighth, I'm not totally sure I'm straight. Ninth, life is actually okay right now. Regardless of all this other stuff. And finally, I'll try to update more. I know I've said that like a million times but I mean it this time. I also started a journal... Anyway. Bye! Til next time.

IM BACK!!!!!!

Hey guys!! I'm baaaack!! Well actually I've been back since Monday night... For those of u who have no idea what I'm talking about, I was in Australia! It was a ton of fun. Made some great friends. This week since I've been back has been....interesting? I guess that's a good word to use.... Well I thought my sleep schedule was perfectly fine. I'll tell you more about that in a bit... My dad has drank everyday since I've been back. And according to my mom he was everyday I was gone. All they seem to do is fight. But I'm used to it. I don't know why I was stressing over it. And school starts in about a Month. I don't wanna go): I dunno if taking all honors/AP classes was very smart of me either. I'm a little stressed about it. And I always get anxiety at the beginning of a new school year so. And then there are my friends.... Tayler was partying a lot. Drugs, drinking. You get the drift. And I don't want to see her like that. I know what both do to people. Pot isn't THAT bad. But it's still an addiction. At 16 the only addiction you should have is a favorite tv show or video games. She said she stopped. I don't really believe her. But I guess we'll find out. And then there's Joe. The kid that should hate me and vice versa. But instead of hate I still like him. A lot. Or at least I did. He's moved on. He has a new crush. Well I shouldn't say new. He's liked her for a while. Her names Nicole. That name.... And I got jealous at one point. I've never gotten jealous before. I didn't like it. So that definitely stopped. I've been feeling like I don't sleep at all. I go to bed around 12, 1, 2 and wake up at about 9 or 10. Sufficient  sleep yea? No. Not when  you've been in a country 15 hours ahead for the past month. Well here's where it all comes together. I admitted my feelings. I was a little depressed. Wasn't hungry. Didn't feel like doing anything. But took a nap mid day. I slept. Real sleep. I admit the depression. My appetite comes back a little and I have more life. I admit The stress and suicidalness. I slept genuinely, my appetite still isn't completely back, the stress is relieved, and I feel like doing stuff again. My point? Once I started telling ppl what was wrong everything started to go back to normal. Peaceful. I dunno why they those things connected but I'm not judging so. And that's something else. When I confronted my feelings on my own I realized I wanted them to be there. For a different reason. And I managed to let them go. So now I can be friends, and just friends with joe. No strings attached. Talk to you guys soon. Byeee

Nina (The Wonderful) Nesbitt

New found artist: Nina Nesbitt. I love this chick. She's pretty much everything I wish I could be. She was a model @ one point and a dancer. Now she's a singer and songwriter. And she's no older than 20. I can only hope to have that much accomplished by then. Did I mention she's British? A few songs are Way In The World, Statues, and Stay Out. Me and my two best friends wanna do the stuff she was doing in the stay out video. They looked like they were having a ton of fun. She's like a female Ed Sheeran. She's pretty amazing. In other news I leave Saturday! Yaaay! Haha. We were playing truth or dare last night, me Tayler and two of our guy friends. Tayler left for some reason and so did one of the guys. We continue playing anyway. And long story short he has a crush and won't tell me who!! Neither of the guys will tell me. Tayler thinks its me. I don't think so. And I don't wanna keep asking. It's probably Tayler. Or Alison. Or some other really pretty girl. But erm...yea. Not much has happened yet this week. My siblings leave tomorrow for a month. Thank god. 🎶I'm not lost, I'm just finding my way, in the world. I'm not lost, I'm just finding, my way, in the world. The big old world.🎶 Love that song<3 So til next time byeeeeeXx

New blog

So I've decided I'm gonna make another blog specifically for my trip. You can check it everyday to see new pictures, places I've been, things I've done, and ppl I've met. Now I may not have a new one everyday since some places (only like 1) don't have Internet and others have like 15 minutes per room(several sadly). And there are usually 4 girls to a room. So yea. And there were a couple places where you have to pay for Internet. And then there's my home stay. I'll be staying with this Australian family for a couple days, whether they have Internet or not I have no idea. But if they do you guys will know(:   Well here's the address: Crushinaustralia.blogspot.com   I named it that because I have this little turtle named crush (stuffed animal) and he will be featured in many photos. So yea. Have fun checking that out. I may or may not post anything until I actually leave. I dunno yet. But erm. Yea. Til then. ByeeeXx

60th post(:

Hey it's my 60th post! And a lot has happened the past week or so. Well Saturday June 8th a guy asked me out at a bonfire and it was literally the best night of my life. We broke up today. I cried for about 30 minutes and then realized he's not worth it. That same Saturday I had my Bon voyage thing for my Australia trip. It was a stupid waste of time. I paid $10 for a tshirt that my name is spelled wrong on. And I decided to be a vegetarian again. So yea. This week has been interesting... And I'm leaving this Saturday. The 22nd. Not the mood I wanted to leave in. But whatever. Oh and on top of it all, there's another bonfire tomorrow. Maybe I'll tell y'all how that goes. Til next time. Byeeee

About that goodbye post

About that goodbye post. I was really flipping shit wasn't I? I know it's not funny but I can't help but laugh @ my dramatics. That was pretty good tho... I see why I'm such a good writer. I put so much emotion into things. So yea. Lol. Byeeee

It's been forever!!

Hey guys! So it's been a while. A really long time actually. I've been busy with school and fundraising for my trip. Speaking of which I'm going to Australia this summer for 2 and half weeks(: Excited! As the school year comes to a close I've found my self with a crush. I think... I dunno things are complicated right now. I dreamt of him. Of us... Ya know those dreams I have? The ones that always seem to come true? Idk if I've mentioned them before. But it was one of those. I dreamed my 2 best friends boyfriends before they started dating as well. Only now ones bf broke up with her and the other is thinking about breaking up with hers. I don't think she's used to having someone there all the time. With her and around her. She doesn't know how to handle it. Taylor's bf said he needed "alone time". I don't know what that means but I think they'll figure it out. So yea not much happenin... 

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Update on all that well she did end up breaking up with him. The saddest part is he REALLY liked her... Oh well. I don't have a crush on so and so any more. I guess i realized it could never happen. I do kinda ish have a different one tho. I talk to him like everyday but I don't think he'd ever like me like that... I pierced my belly button yesterday. That shit hurts like a bitch. I never did but a ring in tho. When I get my piercing needles ill do it for reals with Tayler and Ali @ a sleepover. So yea. Maybe my next post will be a life story? Sounds good. Til next time, byeeeee. 

Random HU update

So I have an update about Hollywood Undeads album that came out in January. Notes from the underground? Yea well it didn't suck. It was definitely different but wasn't too bad. I like quite a few songs. So yea. Till whenever. Byeee

Mini rant

You know what pisses me off? When I know something's going on but when I ask about it or comment they lie to my bloody face. I mean seriously? Really? There's no point in lying when I already know-_- Stupid people.... Or when people bring up something I wrote about on here. If its on here don't bloody talk to me about it. I wrote it on here instead of saying it to your face for a reason. Then there's a certain person that makes me question our friendship all the bloody time. She's such a slag... And I mean it quite literally. Anyway rant over. Til next time! Byeeeee

Sorrys!!

So I know I freaked some people out the other day. Sorry guys. Not really but yea. I didn't expect any of you to react the way you did. I don't think anyone ever even read this. Obviously you guys do. I was at a low. Not the first time and definitely not the last. Don't worry I didn't hurt myself. You guys shouldn't take things so seriously. Well you should but. Anyway. On a much happier note I know his name now! His name is Adam and he's a sophomore and he's really quiet and shy. He's my neighbour and omj is he cute!! Oh you guys don't know who I'm talking bout do ya? Well there's this dude on my bus. He like kinda watches me? Like he'll look out the window glance @ me and he just does that the entire bus ride. I dunno. Ashley and Lauren made me talk to him. It was awkward. So happy I know his name tho!!! Adam. Adam Adam Adam. Lol. He looks like an Adam too.... It's kinda weird. He wears glasses. Sometimes. And he always wears this letterman jacket. What's a letterman jacket? That's what Sidney called it.... I dunno. He's a blonde. Athletic looking. Kinda tan. Like a soft glow kinda. Omg that sounds creepy... I just mean he's not pale. Or like pink like some people. He's not as dark as me by a long shot. He's kinda Louis's color from one direction. Yea. He wasn't on the by today. I think they scared him off... Lol. Ah well. Til next time! Byeeee:)

Goodbye to everyone.

So life sucks. A lot right now. I'm extremely moody and I cry. A lot. More than I usually do. And it's over the smallest stupidest stuff. It's hard to contain any of it. Even thinking about certain things throws me into an attack. That's another thing. I have panic attacks now. I can't tell anyone that. I don't want to get put on pills or have to see a doctor. I'm perfectly fine. Even with my depression and personality disorder. No big deal. I can't even listen to certain Songs. I've kind of turned to books as a crutch. If I'm bored, tired, sad, mad, they help. I wanna cry now. And I don't even know why. I have b's in all my classes. I just don't care anymore. It's all not worth it. And he hates me! i know he does. and ill never forgive myself. I know he wants me to but. I cant. I CANT. I crushed him. and its really not fair. Ill never forgive myself. I wont. And Id say everything would be better if we were together again but.. No. It wouldn't change anything. I've lost interest in most things. I pretend in front of people. And I really fricken...I don't know anymore. I'm under so much fucking stress!!! I'm gaining weight. I eat just to do it. I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking. Again. And no one knows. Not even my best friends. I can't tell them. They wouldn't understand. Things are so easy for them. I think I'll start again. I've done it before. Only one person knows. Maybe I'll just do one better and kill myself. Things have never been this bad before. I've never not been able to handle it. I'm tired of being so strong. I'm done. I... This will probably be my last post. I love you all. Goodbye.

The dance

I didn't go to the dance. Didn't care. No date. No friends were going. So yea.