It's been some time huh? Well the shit storm that is my life has only turned up a few notches. Or ten. Seriously I'm counting down the months until I'm a free woman. But then what? I have no place to go. And no one to turn to. I can't graduate early anymore thanks to the woman that dare call herself my mother. If I'm a fuck up then isn't it her fault? She raised me. So it's her shitty parenting. She's a horrid person. She abusive and manipulative and vindictive and just cruel. And she thinks how she acts is okay. Seriously? It's not. No I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. But all the things she calls me and says about me aren't okay. Especially because they aren't true. School is kind of flooding me and I just want to quit. I hate my friends, my classes, my family. I feel like I'm sinking into this monotonous pit of so called life. Everyone else seems oblivious to my deepening depression. If that's even what you can call it. Lately I've been reading the book Columbine for English. I relate to Eric and Dylan so much. More Dylan than Eric I suppose. I do have emotions. He seemed pretty emotionless. All he felt was anger. All I feel is tired. Just completely and utterly tired. Just done. I can't stand it. Everything is always the same. The same fucking dipshit teachers, the same lame ass dumb fuck students, the same uncaring obnoxious "friends", the same pathetic people I unfortunately get to call family. I feel like I don't even belong here. On this planet. I feel like I came from somewhere very far away and just need to go back. Sometimes I can feel myself being dragged elsewhere. Like my true family is just calling to me. Or maybe I'm just thinking of the inner beast that whispers the darkest thoughts to me in my inner most deep thinking. The beast that urges me to murder, no, slaughter. The urge to kill grows constantly.