My first kiss;)

So I had my birthday/Halloween party today!! Well, yesterday. October 27, 2012!!! That day will forever go down in history! So it was pretty good. I was totally mad at milo at first and so I was kinda mopey and sad. But then I got over it and was fine. So we were playing truth or dare and I was dared to kiss milo. I'm like nooooo. Then a while later he's dared to kiss me. He kisses me on the cheek no big deal. Well when everyone is saying bye he hugs me and kisses me on the cheek again. And my mom is like you shouldn't hide anything just kiss. And I'm like we aren't I'm not into the whole kissing thing Especially since I never have before. She says why and I say it's too awkward. She kisses me and is like we'll it's just that easy. Well right before he runs out the door he hugs me and....kisses me!!! ON. THE. LIPS!!!! Aaaah!!!! I can't stop thinking about it. I mean it happened quickly and....idk.  Even tho I'm still kinda mad at him. My anger is quickly fading. Til next time. Byeee

Judging

I don't think I have the best judgement anymore. I really don't know what I want in life either. Im happy then I'm depressed. I wanna cry I wanna scream. If only he would tell me. Just tell me I'm being irrational. And prove that I'm just being a girl. Maybe, only maybe, then I'd be happy. But I dont think that's gonna happen. I expect more than HE can give. I want more than he'll ever understand. But that's okay. Cause I also love him more than he could ever imagine. He's not my world but he is the best thing in it. I really could use some advice...byee

Love

Here's the things I love;) no particular order
1. My friends
2. Family (mine and my friends)
3. Food
4. My boyfriend <3
5. Working out
6. Yoga!
7. Meditating
8. Incense/candle
9. Lotions and perfume
10. Shopping
11. NUTELLA!!!!!!!!
12. Simple jewelry
13. Animals
14. My dogs:)
15. My kitty tweak
16. Watching movies
17. Scary movies with friends
18. SLEEPOVERS!!!
19. Smooth legs
20. Having fun
21. Dances!
22. Parties!!
23. Blue and green and red
24. Long relaxing baths
25. Hot showers
26. Super cute clothes/shoes
27. Jean and tshirt kinda days;)
28. Long summer nights with friends
29. Beaches
30. Swimming
31. Long car rides
32. Black lights/glow in the dark stuff
33. The <3 symbol
34. Texting
35. Funny pictures
36. Hearing HIS voice
37. Cute accents
38. Knowing I'm loved
39. Thinking about HIM
40. Hangin with the fam
41. Music:)
42. Hollywood undead
43. Rock/metal music
44. Good advice
45. Nina Nesbitt<3
46. My cousin jr
47. My lunch bunch
48. Australia
49. Turtles
50. Netflix
51. iFunny and Reddit
52. My Songza app
53. Making out
54. Long hugs
55. Good huggers
56. Guys who look perf in suits
57. Cute relationships
58. sleeping with sirens
59. Falling in reverse
60. Itch
61. Marina and the diamonds
62. Black veil brides
63. Pierce the veil
64. Bring me the horizon
65. Vans Warped Tour
66. suicide silence
67. most warped tour bands (alternative, rock, metal, screamo, punk, etc.)
68. THE CAB! Angel with a shotgun is too perf
69. (hehehe) dubsteb/house
70. Sneaky Sound System
71. snapchat:P
72. PARTIES(I fricken love dancing in crowds. It's hypnotic)
73. Play fighting with the bf

Gym

So I just stayed after school to make up gym with Alison. Omg was it scary. We walked around for 10 minutes looking for a teacher then found one and waited another 10 for the weight room to open. So we walked on an elliptical for 30 minutes. Ewwwww. I'm soooooo fricken gross. Well, not really. Just a little. But still. I was going HARD the whole time. Alison wasn't:( Anyways. I liked it and wish I could go to the gym more often. Oooh!! And we did yoga in gym class today!!! It's was soooooooo much fun!! I loved it! I miss doing yoga.... Wells I'll catch y'all later;) byeeee

Hate

Things I hate in no order.

1. Katie king

2. Liars

3. Drunks

3. Druggies and drug dealers

4. Thieves

5. Bugs

6. Sales calls

7. Running out of money

8. Babysitting

9. Being stuck at home

10. Cheaters

11. Hoes

12. Assholes

13. Most people. (Like seriously. Most people get on my friggin nerves.)

14. My boyfriend. (<3 it's his job;) )

15. My gym teacher

16. Big dogs

17. Tiny dogs

18. Team sports

19. Bad music

20. C's in school

21. Dumb blondes (I'm friends with many ironically.) 

22. Hollywood undead. (Jk I LOVE them.) 

23. Concerts, dances, parties. (They end too soon;( )

24. FUCKING AUTO CORRECT!!!!!!
25. Planes
26. Trains
27. Pervs
28. Pushy guys
29. Guys who pretend to like you
 30. the end of summer
31. coming back from break
32. goodbyes
33. breakups
34. being grounded
35. Being tickled -_-
 

Fears

So here's everything I'm afraid of in no particular order.
1. Being alone
2. Dieing
3. Dieing alone
4. Heights
5. Falling
6. Bugs
7. Losing the ppl I care about
8. Kissing a boy
9. Doing the deed
10. Graduating high school
11. Not making it into college
12. Getting bad grades
13. Getting bullied again
14. A guy breaking my heart. (Although I do want to experience it. It's part of growing up.)
15. Losing my vision
16. Breaking a bone
17. Realizing my mom is never coming back
18. Ugly clothes (idc how childish this one sounds!!)
19. Burning to death
20. Getting divorced (future fear)
21. Ruining my children's lives (future fear)
22. Losing a limb.
23. Eating a banana seed and growing a banana tree inside of me.

Breaking

I'm thinking about breaking up with milo again:/ I mean I probably won't it's just we like never talk anymore... And it scares me. It really does. Is there someone else? Is he uninterested in me? Is he bored with our relationship? I mean he'll say he's not doing anything but then turns around and won't answer.... And the first, and last, time I broke up with him it was out of fear. I was afraid he was gonna break up with me first. Of course I got over that and we were back together the next day. But still. I'm an insecure, annoying, bitchy, girl. And I know it. I just hope it's not driving him away. And it's long distance. If he really wanted to be with someone else he could. And I'd never know. It's sad to think about these things a week before I plan on seeing him and two weeks or so before our 4 month anniversary.... I mean he said he's happy with our relationship and he loves me but.. I just don't know. I know I love him. But how he feels will always be a mystery to me. And then last night me, tayler, and milo were all talking on Facebook. Me and Tayler started playing truth cause milo wasn't on yet. Well I asked how far she would go with a guy and then she asked me. The truth is: I'd probably only hug a guy. After I said that of course milo was online so he saw it. He kept asking why and all I could say was it scares me. It does. Maybe it's a good scare but still. Being that close to a guy just seems too...I dunno...intimate? I mean I would LOVE to take our relationship to the next step like that but... I'm too scared. I'm afraid it'll happen and he won't like me anymore. Im afraid I'll be a bad kisser. I'm scared because I've never kissed a guy before and he has kissed a girl before. (If you can call Shannon a girl.) I'm scared things will change. And of course it's foolish to think but. Still. Well...I'll try to stop this madness raging in my mind. Til then. Byeee

Choosing...

I feel bad choosing my sister over tayler. Especially since its taylers birfday. But then again my sister will be gone the next three weeks on work and vacation. If only I could see them both... Byee

Milo

Him one night during truth or dare

Him unknowingly on Skype 

Hate this picture...

So heres my boyfriend. Not the best looking guy. But thats not why I like him. He's Super amazing. Trust me we have our problems. But he's still the best guy I know. And I love him to death. Whether he turns gay on me or not (inside joke there. Love ya;) ) and he loves me more than I could ever imagine. I'd say we were meant to be together but. Ya know. 3 months of dating and a year and 3 months of knowing him really isn't enough to say that. I was soooo not interested in him when I met him in Europe. On that beach in Greece. I actually thought he was in a high school group. Me being a middle schooler at the time. Then we talked and walked and talked some more and kinda became friends. I knew he had a crush on me the whole time. I just thought at the time that it was unbelievable. Why would anyone wanna be with me? The poor pathetic little mixed girl. Then it hit me. It's because I'm a beautiful person. On the inside and out. He loves me for me and not for what I can give him. Unlike most guys. He's someone I can trust. Which is rare for me. I've learned to not trust anyone. It always ends in heartbreak for me. For the most part he knows me like the back of his hand. And when I get ungrounded I'm gonna surprise call him on Skype. He should be happy with that. I can't wait for my birthday party. I get to be with him. Bye

Blog color

So I'm making the blog red for a while. It's a special someone's favorite color. Or it was... Hmm... I should ask. I'm not gonna always type in red tho. So yea. Catch ya later. Byeee

Brianna

So I met this girl in 7th grade. She's like...amazing. She's extremely supportive and just understands me. When my mom died she was there. She didn't push me away like everyone else did, like I was a disease and they were afraid they were gonna catch it. Anyway me and bri had some fun times. Fucked with a math teacher we hated, made the best cell ever, and made some kickass pillows and cupcakes. You see. We had all the same classes. Spent lunch at our favorite teachers room and went to FACS club every Thursday. Her grandmother took us home. Haha. Oh that woman... Anyway. When her ex died it was hard for her. But I was there for her like she was for me. There are other things that happened to her that are awefull too but I'm not gonna tell her business. Not without permission anyway. It took me a while to write about her. She's just that awesome of a friend. I don't think I could've made 7th grade without her. Or vice versa. We're still the best of friends even tho we only have biology together. We still make the best of it tho. She's sweet, and funny, and smart, and a total smart ass, and a dork, and short. Just like me;) haha. Guess that's why we're so close. And to be honest last year when she was friends with this girl Alyssa I felt like I was being replaced. Idk why... The chick was def not something to be jealous over. But I was. I guess I was just too used to it being just me and Brianna. Now she has other friends and I couldn't care less. She's a runner. Although you couldn't tell by her looks..idk what it is about her...maybe the shortness? Idk. But that's bri. In all her pale, blonde, curly haired glory. I'm happy we're friends. Til the next post. Byeee

Now

As it gets closer to my birthday I wonder. What will it be like? Who will come? Will it be awesome? Will my costume look good? Will everything go according to plan? I guess only time will tell. My party is October 27th from 6-12 at 2318 Hastings dr. At this point guys are automatically invited. Tons of chicks will be there. Music, food, games, completions. Maybe even a movie and video games. I can kick some serious butt at mortal kombat. Everyone be warned. Lol. Well my weekend sucked ass. Hopefully next weekend will be better with taylers birthday party and stuff. Oh wells. Ttyl. Byeeeee

Side note

I think I know who and where my first kiss shall happen. Not as obvious as most will assume either. I want it to happen. Haha. Well catch ya later. Byeeeee

Random

Well I've been pretty emotional today. Mood swingy and stuff. And no I'm not pmsing. I've just been thinking alot. I don't think I will go to Australia this summer. This is my first year in high school and the one that matters the most. I need to focus on school. I will try to go next year. No promises. Alison wrote the sweetest thing ever in her blog about me;) And...milo....I love him. But..I dunno. Things have changed. We've been together for 3 months. We've known each other for over a year. I am soooo lucky to have met him. And theres stuff I miss. That he used to do. Bed time routine, after school routine, random conversations. Now...it's almost like he's trying to make me breakup with him. He does stupid stuff that he knows is gonna make me mad. And I don't get why. Oh well. This week sucks so far. Well til next time. Byeeee.
Ps. I say like and well ALOT.

Homecoming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PARTY!

Sorry for greeting to you all so late!! So homecoming... It was...amazing!!!!! The music, the food, the decorations! I loved it. The only bad thing was the dancing. Omg so much grinding. Chicks on chicks, guys on chicks, guys on chicks in chicks. It was terrible. I looked AMAZING and do did all my friends. My feet were KILLING me after the dance. I mean sexy 5 inch heels have an effect on your feet. Especially when you dance like I was;) lol. I spent the night at Alison's after the dance. We Skyped milo:) He made me SO MAD!!! He didn't go to his homecoming!!!! AFTER he made the point he didn't wanna go to mine he wanted to go to his. Then he didn't even go! Ugh. I hate boys. Jk. I love boys. Jus to clarify on all those ppl who think I'm les. IM STRAIGHT. K? So yea. Ttyl. Byeeeee